by AG
…Truth will win out.
One of the most blunt truths I feel I am being forced to look at right now is the area of leadership. How am I leading others such as our house church, friends, family, my wife, and last but not least MYSELF. I have been aware of the opportunity to improve and give more of myself in a lot of these areas for some time now, but I think in the past few weeks I have been awakened to thought that one of my biggest points of failure right now is how I have been failing to lead myself. That’s not always easy to swallow.
What does it mean to lead? I think it has a lot a facets. I think leading means time-management, relationally building into others, showing the way, seeking truth, and having one’s priorities straight. And if I really look back at the last year that doesn’t seem like it describes who I have been. My get-it-done nature has not taken the time to focus on those critical priorities in life and help others do the same.
I’m honestly not surprised by this revelation as I know why it’s so heavy on my heart. It’s fatherhood. One of the things I am most excited about is the opportunity and trust that has already been given to me to raise and lead a family. But it’s also one of my fears right now. Am I going to be the man they need me to be so that they (Chelsey and baby) may flourish and be the woman and man I desire them to become? My scouting leadership training has taught me that those under the leader take on lifestyles that resemble the lifestyle of the leader. I’m not sure that I can completely say I am satisfied with that thought right now.
I have always had this desire within myself when pondering the thought of fatherhood that my desire would be that my kids would look more like Jesus than I do. But as reality sets in, it’s hitting home that for that desire to become true I’ve got to striving to look like Him myself, with all that I have before I can expect that they might look like too (not to say they can’t learn to follow Jesus elsewhere, but if it can start at home all the better).
As I’ve been thinking about all this, I keep coming back to this passage: “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” – Jeremiah 29:11. I believe in this passage, but I really feel I have not been able to live it out - that the plans and future that the Lord has for me are waiting for me to lead myself in a manner worthy of receiving them. That is my failure and yet my goal. That I live so that He may bestow upon me the plans He has for me to begin with.
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